Better to say nothing

Its the title of a piece I wrote once, something I'm proud of, so I thought because this was about not being able to say things that you want to or might need to that it would be fitting too. In the time that it takes for the public bus to arrive since I've missed the school bus I wanted to just reflect on something that I've been thinking about for a while.

I've never really had the opportunity or spotted the right moment to ask my dad or my mum about what really happened between them - okay, divorce, yes, but that's a painful topic of conversation for anyone. I've heard mum's side of the story at least three times, and it changes slightly each time, which is one reason I want to know my dads. But it's up to him whether he tells me or not; obviously it wasn't a great time in his life and he hated leaving, and I feel rude asking because really it wasn't much to do with me or my sister, we were almost just 'caught in the crossfire' - at the wrong place at the wrong time.

So if I never understand what really, really happened - I mean I've heard snippets and read stuff that comes from his own direct experiences - I would just want my dad to know, because sometimes even things like this are hard to say in person, that I'm proud of him for doing what he had to do, even if it's not something that I should be proud of. The way things have turned out are possibly the most serene they could be and he's there for me and my sister now more than we could ever imagine. If there's a problem we can tell him, and we get the best advice he can give and the best support, and I would hope that applies even if its a situation that disappoints him. I would hate to disappoint my dad or my sister out of all the people in the world, but they're open-minded enough to understand that sometimes we have to have what we want in order to make ourselves happy so that we can make other people happy.

This is what happens when you have heart-to-hearts into the small hours. :D